Decide Anyway
Recently, I was in the room when someone I love got some bad news.
This moment made me turn and focus very intently on the response of that person. I was the one standing there watching, trying to figure out how anxious I should be.
There was a very quiet pause when the news was delivered. I was watching them close, waiting to see how they were going to take it, because that was going to tell me what to do next. I was already bracing myself. Already thinking about the worst.
Then they just said it, plain and simple: they were going to handle this like everything else, head on. That was it. No speech. Just a decision.
I did not really buy it in the moment, if I am being honest. I was still anxious, but it did not matter that I was not convinced. Something about them just deciding pulled me up anyway. I calmed down a little just because they had made up their mind, even before I had made up mine. My belief was not what changed things. It was actually their decision that did that.
I think about that a lot when it comes to nonprofit leadership. Everybody talks about how the person with the bad news handles it — as they should, but rarely do we think about the bystanders. Those who are observing the moment.
Your staff do this to you constantly, even when you do not notice it happening. A grant gets cut. A program stops working. A funder pulls back with no warning. And before anybody says a word about what comes next, your team is already watching you, trying to read how worried they should be based on how worried you look.
It has been a rough year or two for a lot of nonprofits on this front. Grants that used to be reliable are getting frozen or pulled with basically no notice. Donations are down because everybody's own money situation feels shaky. Some groups doing immigration or health work have had the rules change on who they are even allowed to help. None of that is on the people running these places. It just happened to them.
This is the part that I believe matters. Your staff are not actually watching to see if you feel okay. They cannot see inside your head, and honestly it would not help them much if they could. What they are watching is how you respond.
Is the hard thing said aloud?
Is there transparency in the moment?
Are they given signals as to what happens next?
Do you give them something to do, or leave them sitting there with bad news and nothing else?
That is the real responsibility in a moment like that. It’s not about being or even feeling ready. It’s about acting like someone who has decided how this is going to go, even if you are not fully sure yet yourself.
A board saying "yeah this hurts, and here is the plan for the next month."
A director being straight about the money and then handing the team something concrete to do instead of just more bad news to carry around.
I did not need my loved one to actually feel unshakeable that day. I can imagine there was still concern and fear present, but the fact that they decided out loud, helped me determine how I could show up for them. Your staff do not need you to have it all figured out either. Despite the pain or disappointment, they need to watch you decide anyway.