You Get Out What You Put In: How to Make the Most of Coaching
I've been coaching leaders for years now, and I've noticed something consistently true: the results people get from coaching vary wildly. Not because of the coaching itself, but because of what they bring to it.
Coaching is not a service you receive passively, like a massage or a tax return. It's a relationship, and like any relationship, what you invest in it determines what comes back to you. I've watched people have profound breakthroughs in a handful of sessions. I've also watched smart, capable leaders spin their wheels for months because they showed up halfway. So whether you're currently in a coaching relationship, considering one, or supporting a team member who is — here's what separates the leaders who transform from the ones who just check the box.
1. Do Your Homework
Most coaching engagements come with prep work such as readings, reflection prompts, worksheets, or assessments. When you skip them, you spend the first twenty minutes of your session getting to the starting line. When you do them, you arrive ready to go deep. Before each session, ask yourself: What's actually going on for me right now? What am I wrestling with? What do I want to walk away with today? Even five minutes of honest reflection before you dial in changes the quality of the entire conversation. Coming prepared is a mindset shift alone that unlocks more than any framework or tool your coach brings to the table.
2. Be Willing to Be Vulnerable
If you manage your image in coaching, you're managing your coach out of the very information they need to help you. We’re trained to lead from strength, to project confidence, to have the answers. Coaching is where you get to put that down.
Real progress happens when you say the quiet part out loud. When you share not just what's happening in your organization, but what's happening in your head. Your coach is not your board, your boss, your staff, or your funder. If you spend your time being defensive or guarded, you are missing out on the experience.
3. Protect the Time — And Your Attention
Close your email. Silence your phone. If you're on video, shut down notifications. Block the time before and after so you're not rushing in from a crisis and sprinting to the next meeting. The hour only works if you're actually in it.
4. Extend Your Learning Between Sessions
Good coaching introduces you to frameworks, assessments, and ideas that are worth sitting with longer than a single session. One of the most powerful things you can do is keep learning between appointments. For example: if your coaching includes the Enneagram (one of our favorite tools at The Spark Mill), don't just read your type summary and call it done. Dig into how your type shows up under stress. Learn what growth looks like specifically for you. Read about the types you frequently bump up against in your work. Come back with specific examples of where you saw yourself in the material — where it rang true, and where it didn't. The leaders who get the most from coaching treat it like a graduate seminar, not a one-hour consultation. Be curious.
5. Practice. Actually Practice.
Insight without action is just interesting. Real change happens when you take what you're learning and try it — in your staff meeting, in a hard conversation, in how you structure your week. Your coach will often suggest specific things to try before your next session. Take those seriously. And even when they don't, ask yourself at the end of each session: “What am I going to do differently in the next two weeks because of this conversation?” Write it down. Come back and report on it. The gap between the leader you are and the leader you want to be closes in the spaces between sessions, not during them.
A Few Traps to Avoid
Even leaders who are genuinely committed to coaching can fall into patterns that undermine the work. Watch out for these:
Using coaching primarily as venting. Processing frustration has its place — but if every session is a download of what went wrong, you're leaving the growth work on the table.
Not being honest with yourself. This is a quieter trap than venting, and harder to spot. It looks like giving your coach the polished version of the story. It sounds like saying "I think I handled that well" when a part of you knows you didn't.
Waiting for the coach to do the work. A coach is a thinking partner, a mirror, a challenger — not a consultant with a ready-made answer. If you're sitting back and waiting to be told what to do, you're in the wrong posture.
A Client Story
I'm thinking of a client I've been working with recently — a middle manager who is navigating a move into strategic leadership. What has made our sessions so productive isn't anything unusual about the structure or the tools. It's them. They come prepared, every single time. They don't arrive hoping something useful will happen. They arrive having thought about what they want to dig into. They bring examples, take notes, and follow up on them.
Coaching is one of the most powerful investments a leader can make. But it's only as powerful as the leader who shows up for it. If you're curious about what coaching through The Spark Mill looks like — or if you're wondering whether it's the right fit for where you are right now — we'd love to talk. Reach out anytime.